Waiting and Praying

和萱萱聊天，说到垃圾邮件箱中可能会有好消息。心情忐忑的看了，没有……网上看到，有人收到了拒信，有人收到了offer。于是更加忐忑。

anyway, now, no news is good news.

a prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages

An Interesting Professor

>>Are You Taking New Students?

Yes, I am currently taking students, and I do have funding for them. The areas of my research are described on my home page, and my current research is some extrapolation of what's written there. I am only interested in PhD students - if you want a MS only, I'm not the right choice for your advisor. When I state that I am accepting students, this does not imply that I admit anyone directly. So, the process of becoming my student is the following: apply to the graduate program in general, get accepted, perform well in your first year classes and exams, and at some point in your first year, discuss what you're interested in doing. Please, do not send me your application and resume right now. Doing so proves that you're capable of ignoring the instructions written several times in this single page.

>>What Is Your Ideal Student?

I'm not looking for slave labor, nor am I looking for programming drones. The ideal student for me is some combination of being bright and being hard-working. Coupled with this is the desire to actually pursue research, which is some catch-all term for investigating an area where you don't have all of the answers. I'd rather deal with someone who's willing to be a little risky and come up with nothing than someone who's willing to risk nothing and comes up with nothing exciting. Research by its nature is an inherent gamble. However, it's a risk that can be managed - if you aim for something ambitious, you may not graduate in four years. However, when you do graduate, chances are that you'll have far more interesting options than someone who just wanted to get out as quickly as possible. That being said, I also want someone who is practical - a working incomplete system is far more useful than a complete but non-working system. So, some amount of programming is almost always needed in order to get your PhD. In fact, chances are good that you'll do a fair bit of programming on your own projects. Such is life.

>>How Do I Get More Answers?

If you have more questions, I'm willing to provide more answers. However, I need to have some proof that you've bothered to read this far. So, what I ask is that if you want to write me a question, please open it with "Dear Sidney Poitier," which is the name of a famous actor. This will let me know that you read this whole page and that I shouldn't just delete your e-mail. If you're wondering why I ask that you call me Sidney Poitier, it's because I receive too much mass e-mail that starts off with "Dear Sir:" - a look into Poitier's filmography will answer the rest.

Pretty Old Days

听着BSB的歌，是种很奇妙的感觉。就好像是又看到了初中的自己，那个只喜欢刘若英和back street boy的大男孩。想来，那会儿也许只是想找个大哥哥，或者大姐姐，说自己想说的，唱自己想唱的。尽管仍然很喜欢他们，但不能否认，无论是奶茶还是AJ的声线和旋律都称不上独特。略微扩大一下视野，都能发现很多雷同的事物。那是个蓝色情歌和男孩和声组合泛滥的年代。也许仅仅因为我最先听到了他们的歌，所以时至今日，他们的声音仍然是最为特别的。

大一有段时间很是眷恋DIDO大妈的絮叨。想来，大概是由于老妈不在身边，忽然发觉真的需要个人继续在耳边唠唠叨叨。Since her songs are full of witty, ironic, and malicious remarks just as having a conversation with her, it is really delightful to listen to them.

几天前，听SLIPKNOT和LULLACRY的新专辑，给J8M发短信，说，“我感觉自己又年轻了:)”。很长一段时间，我们生活里只有这样的音乐，强烈断档的不均衡，却包涵着犹如古典乐般严谨的旋律。这也许是天下最俱可恨的一群人，拥有别人无法企及的才华却肆意挥洒。这里面包裹了许多人ANGLES、QUEENS、LINKIN、NIGHTWISH、POISON、METALLICA、MAROON5......

也许所有的风格都是应时应景而生，听一首歌，想起一段时光，真好:)

To myself

1. Continuing improving in some aspects of life;

2. Recording every little, tiny, small innovation spark and improvement;

3. Compare all of the attributes in two experiments in order to yield convincing conclusions;

4. Maybe you should build a list revealing what tasks you are engaging now;

5. It is better early than late.

Hazy Future

下午和能在bridge里聊天。他说毕业后一定会回国，一来因为他老爸一人在国内，真的是需要个伴儿相互照顾；二来，他说若是留在米国，现在已经能看到自己35岁的样子，很没有意思，回国尽管压力会更大，但机会也更多。

一副五大三粗的样子，往往会让人忽视他内心的缜密和强大。而看着他透过玻璃遥望远方的眼神，忽然发觉自己的许多好友竟然会有如此这般的相似。刘表、sunf、小猫、三立……坐在对面的能，以及如同站在镜子面前的自己。我们都在寻找，甚至是沿着相同的思路，采用相似的方法。

sth about autism

不知道加上一个“症”字是否恰当，就像是不知道这样的感觉是否应当使用“治愈”的字眼一样。只是偶尔，可以比较清楚的了解，自己和周围多了一道墙，这种感觉就叫做，寂寞。蔡智恒曾经精辟的描述过这样的感觉：孤单只代表身边没有人.；寂寞是一种内心感受无法与人沟通的心理状态……因为抽烟所以寂寞，因为寂寞所以抽烟；抽到后来，往往不知道抽的是烟还是寂寞。

我不是一个合群的人，喜欢坐在露台上静静地看雨天里熙熙攘攘的人群。喜欢在咖啡馆里数着城铁站进进出出的列车。喜欢站在安全的距离以外思考每一个细节。我会毫无保留的帮助每一个好认识的人，但过近的距离总会让我感觉局促而不安。在D-22，对着不知名的乐手，和几个操着南方口音的美国鬼子或是英语蹩脚的芬兰人有一搭没一搭的扯淡，几瓶啤酒半包香烟会让我度过一个惬意的周末夜晚。同学聚会的KTV包房，总为连目光都无处投放而感到局促。

我只有不多的几个好朋友。期待着和他们相聚的日子。每次总会希望能盘膝而坐，彻夜长谈直至天明。在冯小刚今年的贺岁剧里，最让我感触的是那个在日本的朋友，自己唱着歌离去。如泣如诉。这般的烂情绪从去年的最后一天纠缠我直到现在。和几个好友的聚会只是让它更加发酵。我们都会有自己的事业，自己的家庭，自己的孩子。然后天各一方。

这也许就是寂寞吧。